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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?